I was born on October 7, 1949 in St. John, NB to a young girl who got pregnant and had to give me up for adoption. At age six months, I was adopted by a loving family who couldn’t have children. I won the lottery. They were excellent parents and raised me to be respectful, giving and to help others.
I realized I was gay in grade five, I think and and had a few experiences with other boys my age through school. I was always deep in the closet. Coming from a small village and school, I didn’t want to get the crap beat out of me.
After graduation from high school in 1967, I began work full time at a radio station where I had worked part-time since the age of 12. My cousin took me on a tour and I was amazed and hooked. This is what I wanted to do with my life. I moved to Newfoundland in 1969 for the year and worked for a chain of stations there. Fredericton became my home in January of 1970 when I was offered a job at a local radio station. It was only an hour from my home. After three months of driving it, I decided to get an apartment in the city, later buying my own home. I’ve been here ever since.
I met a very nice married older man and we had an affair for over 25 years, but it got to a point where I wanted and needed more in my life. I was tired of being alone. So I ended it with no prospects in sight.
By chance, I discovered “bears” through the internet and realized that I wasn’t the only big, furry gay guy out there. There were actually lots of bears looking for the same thing as me. I decided to put up a web site to tell my story and hopefully meet some bears and made some friends. I did and am still friends with some of them. But in 1997, I received an email from a young cub from Labrador, who found my web page and discovered bears too. He wrote me a very sweet introduction email and we began contact. That lead to phone calls and his decision to come here to try to find work.
Jason and I hit of off very quickly and had fourteen great years together which included a commitment ceremony, a Civil Union in Vermont and finally marriage when it became legal here in Canada. But we grew apart and became more friends than lovers. Neither of us were really happy and didn’t want to remain as married “friends”. Se we legally separated and began the divorce proceedings which hopefully will wind up on June 6, 2012 or so.
Jason is such a great guy and the last thing I ever wanted was to make him unhappy. My elderly Mother lived with us for almost two years and required a fair amount of care. Jason said he wasn’t in a hurry to move out and would like to stay and help me with her care. Mom passed away August 10th, 2012 of cancer. She died fairly quickly without pain or suffering.
I hold no anger toward Jason, he has always been there for me and this is what he wants so we will make it happen. We had a very tearful Sunday unburdening our feelings to each other, but it helped and now our friendship seems even stronger. I love him and always will. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, but things change and its time for us to move on with our lives.
Jason says I will find someone else, but being the pessimist I am, I don’t know. I can only hope that I find someone as good and kind as he is. I guess there are guys out there that like Daddy bear-types. I can only hope I find one some day.
